"What I saw today"
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The Partner

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Tim turned the wheel of the car and drove onto the broad drive of a gothic period house that had been converted into a restaurant and hotel. 'This is one of my favourite eating-places”; He said without looking at her - yet during the twelve months that she had known him he had never mentioned the place before. Tim was playing some country music quite loud in the car; he always played music of any kind too loud for normal conversation. It made it hard to reply, perhaps that was the idea, outside the elegant French restaurant she could see that people were eating under oyster coloured candlelight. It was another part of what had so far been a pretty good day.

Ailsa sipped the almost bittersweet raspberry frambois aperitif, during drinks Tim announced that he needed to go back to a house just off the village high street they had passed on the way; he needed to drop off some documents prior to a trip he was making to Bristol the next day. It seemed odd for him to leave at that moment leaving her alone in the restaurant. While she waited for him to return she glanced through the menu many times, she looked through the windows and into the grounds, tiny sea blue and orange electrical flower shaped light bulbs illuminated the trees and flowers. There was a court yard pool and she could just hear the sound of running water through the open window. It was a beautiful place, she didn’t mind sitting by herself for a while.

It was quite a way back to the village High Street. He had pointed out where it was on the journey to the restaurant - it was amongst a small group of shops where there were a couple of trees and a pale lemon street light. The place had a lost look, it looked like somewhere that everyone wanted to leave. It must have been an after thought that he needed to go there or they could have both stopped on the way. Quite often he did things in an illogical order. Although she found him very attractive lots of little things bothered her about him.

Ailsa had been seeing this man for almost twelve months now; she knew about his work, the health club he used, what art he liked, the books he read ...but as she waited for him the same thought that she had had many times came back to her - she couldn’t help wondering why she didn't feel as though she was really getting to know him at all.
It was as if everything about him was superficial. The more time she spent with him the less she knew him. She just couldn’t get close to Tim , this man that she liked so much. Sometimes he would virtually disappear for a few days, perhaps casually mentioning that he would be going away just the day before, saying it was simply a business trip. Or he might just ring and say “I’m calling from Bristol, London, Edinburgh or wherever and I will be back on Friday” She did not ask lot of questions, his work as an architect involved traveling throughout the UK ,and he obviously didn't like being asked for lots of details. She felt increasingly alone whilst being with him.

As he stepped back into the restaurant for some reason as she watched him approach the table she felt uneasy. Something appeared to be different about him - or perhaps she was just starting to see him in a real way. He stared intensely around the room his expression was like that of a hunted animal. She thought that he had forgotten briefly where their table was, then his glance fell on her and he adjusted his stare to a more casual glance, as if there was one way of looking at her and another for examining the world.
He sat down and indicated to the waiter that he was ready to order. He had been gone for what seemed like a long time, "Have you chosen?” He asked
"Yes, of course, you have left me alone here for over absolutely ages, I have already had a starter “Well why didn’t you think about me sitting here not knowing how long you would be, just waiting on my own? I was about to get a taxi home.
“Don't make a fuss, I knew you would be all right, and it wasn't for long,” He sounded intense and irritated. I had to drop the documents off, I had forgotten that Jerry had to sign them by tomorrow.”
The evening was panning out strangely, she made the decision there and then that after the meal she would get him to take her home and in a week or so would finish the relationship. It wouldn’t be a good idea to tell him that now he seemed quite angry .She knew that one of the reasons she kept putting him first was because her lifestyle was so much better since she had met him, he had a beautiful house and even when he was away she had a key to go there and use the house and pool. Sometimes she would sit outside in the hot tub watching the trees moving in the wind under a stormy sky, breathing in the scents of the night garden. She did like him too; although her feelings bore no resemblance to love. She felt ashamed of herself, staying with him for the material benefits there was no getting away from it, it was true. He always felt a little like a stranger to her, yet she slept with him. Often she agreed to see him even though she didn’t want to – sometimes because there was an event that she wanted to go to. You pay a price for decisions like that. Then there was the weekend at this beautiful French chateau she certainly didn’t go because she wanted to be with him, it was mainly the event. The longer she was with him the more she could feel herself changing. She no longer liked the person she was turning into. There was more to her than that. At one time he was acting deeply moody and erratic she was about to break the relationship off but didn’t, simply because they were due to go to Italy and she didn’t want to miss the holiday. How shallow she had become.

Now she wanted to start again without him. She was angry for relying on him to improve her life when she was already developing her own career. However he offered a fast track to everything but at a price that she was no longer prepared to pay. She knew that she could, and in fact was on her way to achieving a good lifestyle through her own work rather than being unhappy in the shadows of someone else’s life. However, changing her life was taking time to happen on the scale that she wanted.
Despite that she would now prefer freedom, peace of mind was so much more important. You can just be happy if you want to; there is so much in life to enjoy. Being with a man who is bad for you allows unhappiness to fill you up so slowly that you hardly notice its destructive ice seeping through.

The other problem was that there were too many things that made her feel uneasy about him. Usually she was good at getting to know people particularly if that person was interested in her, because when someone likes you they usually open up to you after you have spent days, nights and weekends with them. This man was concealing too much and she didn’t like it. Even the rows of books at his apartment looked like they had been picked for shelves at a show home. It was more than that even - she was now slightly afraid of him and she knew that was an emotion that shouldn’t have been allowed to exist in a relationship for as long as two moments; you should get out after the first feeling - so why hadn’t she?

She answered her mobile phone when it rang, normally she would switch it off in a restaurant, but he had left her alone for so long that she used it to call a couple of friends It was Jane, a friend who worked for the Hampshire police force
“Ailsa, are you alone”
“No”
“Just answer yes or no and then listen to me. Is Tim with you now?”
“Yes”
“Do not travel home alone with him”
It wasn't hard not to detect the urgency in Jane's voice.
“Why”
“Try not to act alarmed but it has come to light that Tim has a conviction for rape going back some time around seven years ago and, just listen to this another recent investigation being carried out on Tim was dropped at the victim’s request. The victim Ailsa, I interviewed her she just wouldn’t testify she was terrified of him. Now smile across at Tim as if we are having a pleasant conversation, you have got to act now as if you have attended RADA ,if you look shocked he might guess that you have had some bad news about him , he is pretty cunning. You need to get away from him quickly”
“Right, sure I will do that.” She tried to sound as casual as possible. She smiled reassuringly to him across the table she was afraid that he could here Jane.
“ Ailsa do you need any kind of help now? “
“ I can send someone to pick you up” She paused and her eyes played over Tim’s face, strangely she felt superior to him with this knowledge safely in her head. At that moment she didn’t feel any fear at all, but she should have.
"No, I will call you again about the party" “When I get home or tomorrow morning”.
She switched the phone off and looked incredulously straight into his eyes.
She took the news from her friend so calmly, perhaps too calmly it was almost as if she had been expecting to hear something dramatically bad about him - he seemed to contain this vast emptiness that was quite unnatural. She almost felt like challenging him about what she had heard, but knew that wasn’t a good idea with someone who she now knew was also a devious liar and a rapist. Strange how it was almost a relief to know that there was a deep-seated reason why it all felt so wrong and yet on the surface looked so right. He was a rapist, now that she knew it even the pallor of his skin appeared different to her.

Once she had made the definite decision not to see him again she felt complete relief sweep right over her. It was as if she had been holding back on finishing the relationship with him because of all the benefits and the life she had with him. She had allowed the lifestyle she was sharing with him cloud her judgment. Now she could feel the breeze of freedom begin to stir in her consciousness. She longed for the pureness to return, a time when you selected a boyfriend because of good reasons and real feelings. She felt like a soiled plastic doll. He was just a dark shadow to her now.

She decided not to tell him on that particular night that the relationship was over -she didn’t know how he would react and although she wasn’t really afraid she was aware that she was alone. She had never really feared him before, even now she didn’t think he would attack her but she knew that she wanted him out of her life forever. She was lucky that nothing bad had happened to her already.

Just before he dropped her off at her home he said "Would you like to have an early dinner at my house on Tuesday, we could go on to Anna's party afterwards?" For a moment she couldn’t answer; and that seemed like a long time to him. For a second she was afraid that the truth would manifest itself in the air, and like some terrible hologram they would see a woman crying alone, because you are so often alone with rape. It really was like the woman was there in front of them for a moment.
Previously she had always agreed to see him when he asked or had made arrangements for an alternative evening; this time she made an excuse, it was the first time that she had ever lied to him and she knew that it didn’t sound genuine.
“I, I, don’t know yet, I've got a lot on next week, a friend of mine from work is moving from her flat on Wednesday so I might have to save some of my energy to help, I will ring you on Monday and let you know” Fear tingled around her face.

He put his hands back on the wheel of the car and closed his eyes; she wondered why she had risked getting in the car with him even for just one more time, she quickly opened the car door and got out, without thinking she ran to the front door of her home. She never wanted to see him again or even hear his voice. She felt afraid as she closed the front door and locked up.

However she slept well that night, happy to think that she was starting afresh. She had felt so uncomfortable with Tim for quite a while. She had just kept telling herself that he was interesting to be with and that they both enjoyed similar lifestyles, which was true - but it wasn’t enough. She knew now that there was something wrong and disturbing about him. More than that, she now knew that he was dangerous and manipulative.

The next morning she awoke through habit just before 6am, switched on the radio and lay there listening to the news, it was so relaxing she loved waking up knowing that she didn't have to actually get up and rush around for work, it was hedonistic to her just lying there dwelling on having time to herself. The stream was a mixture of bad news and politics. As she was listening only half awake the phone rang - she wondered who it could be calling at this time. She didn’t mind a bit being called early but was curious as to who it was.
Tim – he, who had never phoned her early in the morning, ever.
"Hello Ailsa, I couldn’t sleep so I thought that Id wake someone up and talk to them - I decided on you” He started to laugh in a juvenile way Not like him at all. “What is wrong Ailsa? I know there is something and you better tell me what it is”
It was the right time to announce that it was over; she was safely away from him in her own home, it was important for him to know that she didn’t want to be with him any more. She didn’t want there to be any doubt in his mind. With his past she was sure there was no future for him with her or any woman. He disgusted her. After she had told him that it was over between them there was a silence that lasted for a long time - she waited for his reply. Instead he laughed then said,
"Why didn’t you say so before?”
You have been out with me so many times - you should have known long ago if I wasn’t suitable. No way should you have spent this much time with me.
You shouldn’t have continued to see me like this."
He raised his voice
“You bitch” “I think that I should come over and see you” You told me you were committed to me” in reality they had never had such a conversation. He had never mentioned commitment – the subject was noticeable by its absence. He had led on that.

His breathing sounded unnatural. .” It was as if he wasn't going to accept what she had said.
She panicked inside "No I don’t want see you again, ever. Please stay away, just stay away I have made up my mind. This thing with you has run its course and besides that you have been keeping some strange bad secrets from me about your past. You have been lying to me. For God’s sake do you want to tell me more about you’re past Tim. No I bet you don’t?” The question was ignored.
“No because your past is shameful, you failed to mention that you have raped someone. I can’t bear to even talk to you.”
He seemed to believe that it was his right to continue seeing her and that it was only he who could decide the end date; obviously that was not the case.
All she could say to him was "Its over, I didn’t really know for sure until I found out about you tonight; I have been unhappy for quite a while. There was silence again on the line, when she finished talking she realized that he was no longer listening he had put the phone down very quietly at some stage of the conversation. That action made her feel uneasy.

She threw the covers off the bed and went downstairs to make a drink. Although she was shaking she felt relieved, she had told him that it was all over and felt better for having broken the news to him. Angela was so very glad to be free of him.

Later that day she rang friends to talk about this bizarre situation she found herself in - having been out with someone who she now knew was a rapist. A professional man who had never given her any indication that he had that kind of a past, perhaps friends might help her to make sense of it. She did want to know what other people thought about it all. Some friends said that they had always thought he was strange, mostly they just said she should be glad that nothing bad had happened to her. Everyone was shocked – it was a shocking thing, it was horrible.
It was also ironic that in the last conversation she had with him he showed more of what he was like than he had ever done before. His real personality was sneering, dominant and manipulative.

After Tim rang she kept thinking of how angry he sounded on the phone. She was alone in the house and could not help wishing that the other people she shared the house with were home. She decided to spend most of the weekend going out with friends; she had made such a mistake picking him she just wanted to try to forget the time that she had spent with him. He was sinister and empty.

After spending Saturday night out having a meal with some friends who lived only a few streets away she returned home at around about one am. As she approached she could see that the security lights at the back of the house were all on - the system was not particularly sensitive so she was worried. Instead of driving into the garage she parked the car on the road outside the house. Standing alone on the pavement didn’t feel so safe. How had she let her life come to this? She looked through the metal gates the yellow glare of the security lights greeted her, around the edges the light was grey as if a yellow sheet of blotting paper was slowly filling up with grey ink. There was nothing obvious to see. She was so glad to get inside the house; that feeling was to become more and more familiar.

That night she left almost all of the lights in the house on plus the radio downstairs, as if a voice in the room could drive evil away. She found it hard to rest, eventually sleep came but it was an uneasy one. She felt unusually alone in the house.

The next morning she looked out of her bedroom window, on the horizon in the garden strewn across the bushes and lying in the mud and flowerbeds were various items of her clothes. Abandoned and dulled by the rain. The colours of the clothes were muted from the drizzle that had fallen during the night. A pair of her shorts, bras, knickers a towel from a tennis match, her nightdress ... it just went on. It was weird to see her lingerie so out of context. It was even stranger that Tim had left them there; she just knew it was him. She ran out into the garden collecting up her clothes and crying out loud. She felt a deep inner distress.

What sort of man was this – coming into her house in the dark of night throwing her clothes around? What was he trying to do frighten her? Well he had truly succeeded.
Another day she came home from shopping to find two CDs that she had given to him on the floor outside her back door, eerily placed neatly next to each other like bright floor tiles.

The next night she fell asleep very late and then awoke at 8am after a dreamless sleep. It was cloudy and raining – during the night she had heard loud rumbles of thunder. With the morning she looked out of the window scanning the garden in case any of her clothes were strewn amongst the flowers - but everything looked normal the coloured flowers and the bushes blew in the wind without answer.

That morning she rang her uncle and told him about Tim especially about how he was behaving ever since she had told him she didn't want to see him any more. Ringing Paul, her uncle didn't resolve everything but he took it seriously enough to decide to come and see her about this man.

It was a relief to have told her relatives , she was no longer completely alone with this illogical behavior of Tim’s, she wasn't sure what his attitude meant just that it could be possibly harmful, or hopefully just slightly unusual. She felt afraid too. She only mentioned one dropped rape complaint against him at this stage; she felt this would be enough of a shock for Uncle Paul right now, it was.

She felt on very unsteady territory about this situation her uncle was a very calm man, and she put a lot of faith in his judgment. When she told him about what Tim had done with her clothes he asked her lots of questions. Was there anything unusual about him? Did he mention that he had ever had any mental illness? How did he react when you told him you didn’t want to see him again? Her uncle had an immediate bad feeling about this man it sounded to him very obsessive and unusual "I want you to ring your local police station, they probably won’t do a great deal but they will have a record of what has happened and if he tries to do anything else then it gives them the background.

As she spoke to her uncle bleeps sounded on the telephone to tell her that there was a call waiting. She asked Paul to stay on the line while she took the call briefly; it was a man’s voice laughing down the phone – Tim.
The fact that her uncle had sounded so concerned added to her fear. He wasn’t normally easily flustered. She put the phone down and spent the next hour wondering what to do. She rang her uncle back told him more about the rape allegations. Once he heard that he brought his visit forward to see her.

He also rang the police station in Ailsa’s area. He could not believe that his nice had been going out with a man with this kind of history, he felt like shouting at her asking her if she had any understanding of people at all. Instead he decided to say nothing at this point. After all his relative had confided in him so he would keep his true thoughts to himself for now. She went to a quiet restaurant with her uncle and his wife. A place where they played a mixture of quite sophisticated music, and some sad country and western songs, an unusual cocktail. She made a note to return there if tranquility ever returned to her life. Over lunch her relatives asked her quite a lot of questions so much so that by the end of the discussion she never wanted to discuss Tim again, she felt mentally exhausted.

After all the questioning her uncle went off to see Tim, he wanted him to be confronted with knowing that another man related to Ailsa was very aware of his behavior, it was a kind of bullying and he felt that silence on the matter was not a good idea. He decided to take a friend of the family with him to see Tim a woman called Mary Haworth, a psychiatrist. He wanted to know her opinion. He asked his solicitor to warn him off too.

She sat out in the garden with her aunt they didn’t talk very much, they just waited for Paul and Mary to return, it was quite a hot day with a breeze that moved the scents of the flowers and bushes around the trees where they sat. As they waited there she couldn't help thinking of the scene in the garden when she found her clothes scattered there, however she didn’t feel like mentioning it to her aunty. When Paul returned he was frowning, He was shaken a little. He shook his head as if talking to himself and said "I have got to say that that is a weird man"
When he answered the door he was wearing women’s clothing, that was a surprise for Ailsa, I have got to say that I wasn’t expecting that. Without going through all the ins and outs of what I said to him let me just tell you that I have told him that if he ever comes near you again I will take out an injunction against him and I do mean it. I will take action of my own too; I can’t have anyone in my family put in fear like this. She knew that he could be really tough if needed, he was a rugby player generally a strong man mentally and physically that was reassuring.

“I also called into the local police station and have told them about him, someone will probably come around to see you tomorrow to ask you a few questions. She didn’t mind in fact she was glad, she felt less worried now that more people knew about him. Wearing women’s clothes to answer the door of his home was another aspect of himself that he hadn't disclosed to her. There had never been any sign or interest in women’s clothes during the time that she spent with him. He seemed to have a lot of secrets.
The police did go to see Tim and asked him about the clothes in the garden incident, why had he scattered her underwear and sports clothes all around her gardens front and back. He apparently had told them it was just a lover’s quarrel. He told them he hadn’t entered the house without permission he said that they were clothes that she had left at his apartment.

Time passed by her uncle phoned regularly to ask if she was having any problems with Tim, which she no longer was. She didn’t feel so alone with the whole Tim thing.
The police visit seemed to have had some effect because she didn’t hear from him again.
Weeks then months passed by, life returned to normal.

Just before Christmas she drove out of her house to start the journey to her Uncles home in Kent, across the road were strewn black paper flowers so many of them they were all over the pavement too. They looked like they were made of crepe paper, there had been a fancy dress party at one of her neighbors she guessed they must be connected to that, but it made her feel slightly uneasy as she drove out of her street, unusual things sometimes stirred memories of Tim. These flowers they were so prolific some were caught up strangely in the hedges and bushes. They did remind her of that time when she found her underwear hanging from the bushes and trees at her previous home.

Christmas and New Year were good; she spent a couple of days at her favourite health club. Spent mornings in the marbled reading room followed by a swim in the Mediterranean style heated pool. She had some self-doubt and loneliness but when she thought about it she believed that self-doubt at a certain level could be a good thing, She spent so much time traveling around between Christmas and the New Year that by the end of it all she was looking forward to returning to London, normality and the rest of the new year ahead.

Her sister Anna phoned her a few days after New Years Eve had passed to ask if she would look after her baby Stella for a night. Anna and her husband Mark were going to stay overnight in a hotel "Can I bring Stella over we will leave the travel cot with you, we wont be able to pick her up until mid-day, would that going to be all right?”
It was fine with her she didn’t have to go to work the next day and she liked spending time with little Stella. It was fascinating how curious that baby was about everything and how quickly she kept changing, like magic. Her sister seemed to enjoy her nights out more now probably because there were less of them since she had a baby. Stella had been asleep for about three hours when she decided to join her and go to sleep too.
It wasn’t the first time that the baby had stayed with her; she had stayed before, the advantage to Anna being that she could sleep in the next morning. There was something relaxing about sleeping near to a contented baby, a pale peach and orange light shone out from a funny toadstool light her sister had left with her, the warm glow dimly lit up the room. She changed into her pajamas, went into the kitchen to check that there was a bottle ready for the baby in case she woke up during the night or in the early hours. She slid under the covers putting the toadstool light off. Although she had no desire to be a mother right now snuggling up next to the baby’s cot she could imagine the feeling of love between a parent and their little child. Far too much work and responsibility for her right now though.

The room they were in was quite large with high ceilings; the hall light illuminated a strip below the door. As she lay there she thought she saw a shadow moving around on the landing. She knew from the start that it was no mistake, it was clearly someone walking past the bedroom door, she picked up the phone next to her bed and whispered in panic to the police, there was a window in her room that overlooked the garden it was about 12 feet high she could jump but would have to leave the baby behind in the room, it wouldn’t be possible to get out without the intruder hearing them. She tried to think what her sister would do she knew she wouldn’t leave the baby behind so neither could she.
She told the police control room operator that the intruder was in the house with her and that she could now actually hear him moving around outside her room. I’ve got a baby here in the room with me I can’t even try to get out or he will hear me, please help me” Panic was running quickly through her bloodstream.

The control room operator did her best to calm Ailsa but was wondering herself what would be the best way to handle the situation; she passed the call to the duty inspector. Ailsa was trembling as she spoke, he could hear from her voice that she was very afraid her breathing was affected and he feared that she might loose control. Once he confirmed her location and the fact that she was alone with the baby until the intruder entered the house he said to her "Now listen to me carefully its very important for your safety and the babies that you stay as calm as you can, I don’t have a patrol car in the area but some of my officers are on their way as we speak. Just then she heard a click on the line, to her horror she realized someone had picked up one of the telephone extensions. It was Tim. The Inspector realized this too and spoke directly to the intruder "Look, I know that you can hear me I'd advise you not to do anything silly if you do any harm it will l be all the worse for you, we have sent out high speed cars to the house, as long as you don’t make any more moves we will be as lenient with you as possible, so don’t make things more difficult for yourself.’ Tim didn’t answer him.
She felt herself shaking uncontrollably; everything in the room loaded like an installation. She usually stayed very calm in a crisis, this wasn’t a crisis it was like the end, and she could smell death.
Whilst she was trying to talk to the inspector he wrote down a message for one of the control room operators to radio the cars and tell them the level of emergency had escalated. It passed through her mind that this night might be her last on earth.. The Inspector asked her some questions but she couldn't answer terror had taken over her she couldn't think straight. She tried hard to think of something that would calm her but she couldn’t.

The baby woke up and started crying, she dropped the phone and looked at the child in a detached way wishing its cries would stop, instead the baby’s cries grew louder. They both knew that they were in danger. She picked the phone up again. Her fear increased and the policeman's voice on the line began to fade slightly. She could hear him saying, "It doesn’t matter that the baby is crying you have got to stay even calmer, and its not any worse now that the baby is crying it could put him off hurting you, don’t see it in a negative light you must not panic. Someone will be with you very soon just hold on for a little bit longer. She could see the shadow of a man’s feet closer now just outside the bedroom door, then he started to laugh - hard sharp laughs as he opened the door and wearing a mask and a long woman’s dress he walked in. She lost herself within that room she felt the very walls absorb her; the officer could hear her crying and screaming. Ailsa could no longer see the baby no one could help her she was so alone. . Her screams and the baby’s filled the control room. Nobody really knew what was going on. Every car that was available and even those that weren’t were sent to her house.
A shadow with a strange smell seemed to take her in its arms and she felt a pain spread over her skin, she could hear Marianne Faithful singing Little Bird and she prayed she could stay within the song. Then her head and heart seemed to empty out like a valve opening in a pipe until it was all gone, she would never be able explain it to anyone.

It only took another few minutes for the police car to arrive - during that time Ailsa felt that this world had left her altogether. She looked up at the leather face but she could not see him she could only see colours in front of her eyes she felt as if she was slowly going blind. Red and black dots moved in front of her vision. She wished that her sister was here with her baby, she felt paralyzed she couldn’t help baby Stella. That night the world changed for her forever, she knew it was him, Tim in the house - and that she had let him into her life - she was responsible for him being there threatening both of them at that moment.
She had known from when she saw the shadow outside her bedroom door, she couldn’t believe that she had let this person come into her life, had been tender to him once when underneath he was so sinister, she had not seen it or perhaps she hadn’t wanted to. The guilt was there as he hovered over them wearing his mask and her underwear – she had led him to this moment.

There was a sound of crashing glass as the police entered the house from the back door - she was no longer on her own - but it didn’t make any difference things had gone too far, she didn’t feel any relief, everything within the room and the house seemed to breath around her in slow motion. It was as if everything around her had converged to form a large beast. She couldn’t breathe properly she still felt that she was going to die. She could hear police radios, she saw the baby in a woman’s arms, an officer told her the man had been overpowered and arrested. They told her that Stella was alright but she could see the shadow of Tim on both of them and she told them that “It’s just shock Ailsa you are going to be fine, you are safe now”

Things seemed to happen in a jumble around her. She heard later that she had curled up in a ball and held onto the baby’s foot; her finger marks were found imprinted on her ankle. She didn’t remember it. The guilt was turning into another monster she had done nothing to help the baby.
A doctor spoke gently to her his voice was calm and after a couple of minutes his was the only voice she could hear clearly. There were uniforms moving in and out of the shadows and the light in the room.

At the hospital she fell into a drug enhanced sleep - her family arrived in the light of the morning but she was in the main unaware of it.
She stayed in hospital for over a week mainly because of shock. Once it sank in that everything was over and that baby Stella was unharmed she began to recover. At first she found it quite hard to believe that the baby was alright as she had seen Stella being picked up by that masked man – she kept thinking that they were all trying to trick her and that the baby they were showing her was not Stella at all. She cried quite a lot when her sister came to see her, tried to explain how powerless and empty she felt when she saw Stella in the intruder’s arms and couldn’t move. She asked her sister to forgive her for not doing more – “I wish the guy was dead but look it ended well maybe it was better that you didn’t try and do anything heroic. You have got to get over this we all have” I should have tried to kill him and then maybe I wouldn’t keep seeing his shadow now. I saw him in the ward last night she kept telling the doctors. People explained to her that when a person is held by absolute terror they can become totally immobilized, or act out of character.
The doctor told her that she needed some time off work even though she told him that she felt well and just wanted to return to normality or some form of it. Dr Hetherington said she should use the time to completely relax before she went back into the mainstream of work and everything else. Despite her saying that she felt well, it was obvious to everyone that she wasn’t. It was classic trauma and it would wear off, the hospital staff were pretty sure of that.

So she did just what he suggested - She booked two weeks at a villa outside paphos Cyprus, taking her student cousin with her - it was during her holiday period from university so the cousin could spend the time studying and she could just relax, they could both enjoy the island too - she didn’t want to be alone yet.

Out in Cyprus perspective came back to her. She realized it was an unusual thing that happened to her, fear was replaced by relief. Although the stark realization that she needed to use her judgment more carefully the next time she was in a relationship hurt her somewhat. She still found it almost inexplicable that she had not noticed anything unusual about him - how could you miss a strong strange perversion about someone’s personality. She felt that it reflected badly on her character.

.

In the village where they were staying in Cyprus the people were welcoming and the mixture of the warmth of the sunshine and the attitudes of the locals made her feel even more inclined to try life again. She felt ready to return to her normal daily living. She would be a different person for sure and she doubted if she would trust a man so quickly ever again; perhaps the truth was that it was her own judgment that she didn't trust.

One morning she lay down alone by the pool, Martina her cousin had gone into a nearby market to do some local shopping to make a meal that night. the sun warmly poured down like a scented heat shower, she closed her eyes and dived deep into the pool as she emerged from the water she blinked away the water and looked up at the blue lavender sky - at that moment it hit her very strongly how lucky she was to be alive, and unhurt. She started to cry silently with the surface tension of the water the tears blended in to the pool water. She climbed out of the pool feeling physically weak but in her mind she felt refreshed .

She longed at that moment to be with someone who wasn't like Tim, whom she could love without fear and without psychological games most of the time, without anxiety. She cried again as she lay on the cool tiles, nearly an hour passed, she swore that was the last time that she would allow the incident to cause her such pain. She wrapped a towel around herself and went into the villa to lie down and to sleep for a while. Ailsa felt weak with exhaustion.

She decided that one-day, when she was happy again she would return to this village and maybe even buy a small house. When a girl in the village got married she liked the way that the whole village was invited to the celebration. The couple walked separately but with their own families from their houses to the church. The ceremony took place quite early in the morning before the sun was too hot, the wedding feast was held at the Deveraux hotel close to the beach, the gardens around the hotel were filled with beautiful scented flowers. The natural colours decorated the day. It was a happy time - she made new friends people that she would definitely come back to see again. She wanted to make an effort to stay in touch with genuine people; perhaps for too long she had surrounded herself with shallow profiles without much character.
The time to go home to England arrived, and she felt that it was the right time to return and to start again. She and her cousin felt refreshed Martina had the opportunity to study, relax and to be with Ailsa.
As they arrived at the terminal at Heathrow airport she noticed a man waiting behind the barrier, he was wearing a blue jacket similar to one that Tim used to wear. She looked away but was drawn to look at him again because he appeared to be so similar to Tim. Perhaps it was him, had he found out that she was coming home today, as she got closer to him she couldn’t help looking into his face part of her brain seemed to call out that it was him, perhaps disguised in some way - but she knew that really it wasn’t. Infact the man looked nothing like Tim, he just wore similar clothes. Anyway Tim was in prison.
She held her cousins arm tightly. Before they drove home they sat and drank coffee in the flight lounge at the airport and watched planes vanish deep into the sky. She told Martina more about what had happened - she knew it would be a while before she could get him out of her mind. She felt shaky it was as if she could feel rain and hear wind inside her mind.

Within a few days of being back at home she began to search on line for new accommodation. It would be good to live somewhere fresh and new. She was determined to have a new life with a different bedroom room to wake up in.
Quite soon she found the right place it was part of an elegant Georgian house town area, it was a massive place divided into four large apartments There was a heated swimming pool bathed in gold and blue lights , it was so relaxing to swim before dinner.
The owners kept an apartment within the house; the estate agent told her that the owner’s wife was from Italy, she missed swimming in the Mediterranean Sea before breakfast. So, for his wife he built the swimming pool to help compensate for what she had lost by leaving Italy.

Ailsa often went for a swim early in the mornings; she thought how lucky she was to have the money to help her to move away from a place with bad memories and straight into a beautiful house. Sometimes she imagined what it would have been like if she hadn’t got the finances to move, if she had been stuck night after night at that house looking out at the garden where he had left her clothes strewn around and invaded her house. She thought a lot about others who must be stuck in situations powerless to change them, people without the economic power to go. She closed her eyes and said a few words of prayer.
She, unlike others was able to blow fresh air into her life and it had made a difference because she did feel a lot better. Thoughts of him and what happened were still with her but they were fading away. There were new things to think about and increasingly she did feel happy again.

At the end of her first spring at the new house she looked out into the front garden, a blossom tree blew its flowers innocently around the garden and out onto the pavement, she frowned to herself thinking of the incident when he flung her clothes around the garden. Pastel pink and white blossoms, pink and white underwear it almost made her laugh – almost.

The experience changed her - she tended to spend more of her social time with friends that she knew quite well, usually people she had come into contact with via work or friends that she had known for some time. So that she could track back their history, she just felt saver and more comfortable that way, before she used to enjoy getting to know strangers but not now. One Saturday morning she went out into the grounds and cut down some Holly she mixed it with some wild flowers and put them in a large crystal vase. She loved the sensation of breathing in all the scents as she walked around. She carefully put the vase next to the pool; she took off all of her clothes and slid into the water.

Four good years passed by ….. She was below the water when her phone rang she emerged and reached out of the pool to answer. It was Inspector Mary McKerr asking if she would help them by talking to a woman who was considering dropping charges against another alleged case of rape by Tim Hyslop. The girl didn’t feel that she could face a trial and possibly a failed result. Ailsa simply couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He was out of prison and at it again.

The Inspector felt that if Ailsa spoke to her, it would help convince the woman of how dangerous Tim was. The phone call really was a surprise she didn’t expect to ever hear from the police again in connection with Tim, the whole business with that man had made her ill and was still affecting her now. Although she had fought very hard to minimize it.Any thoughts of dwelling on his personality filled her with dread even to help someone else. It was like he was never going to go away.

When they asked her to do this she couldn’t find it in herself to say yes or no, she thought of all the people who were stuck without the help and choices that she had had - she thought of how lucky she had been to have the finances to start again so quickly. So she asked them to let her think about it for a day - told them that she wasn’t over what had happened to her and wasn’t sure if it would be good to think and talk about Tim once again. Of course they understood but they emphasized that without a conviction he was out there a threat to every woman – maybe herself again she thought. Timothy Hyslop, Timothy Hyslop, Timothy Hyslop would that name ever totally fade away. ….

She couldn’t sleep that night; the next day she phoned her office telling them she thought she had flu. This was not true but she was in such turmoil about everything that it genuinely made her feel unwell. She stayed up most of the night watching films, sleeping, listening to the radio, and crying acid tears thinking and trying to make a decision. But right from the beginning she knew what she would decide.

Ah so, he had tricked someone else this free man was able to subject people to fear once more. As old memories came over her - she e-mailed Inspector McKerr, asked her to come and see her in a day or so, Tim was still exerting a strong psychological influence. It was not something that she expected - a telephone call to ask her to get involved in a fresh case against Tim.

Two days later she stayed at work quite late; most people had gone home - busy with their lives outside of work. She stayed at her desk thoughtful and angry.
She picked up the phone asked for Inspector McKerr and said,
“Yes, I will do it. This is the last time for me although it probably isn’t the last time for him so after I have helped with this case don’t ever ask me again. This is my last involvement ever, and so that was agreed.
Untie the ribbons, silk ribbons holding a weight impossibly large the way her life had become it no longer fitted for her since that night before he was arrested - watch the weight jangle away in the distance into space without gravity wondering if it will ever totally disappear.
Tim Hyslop was successfully convicted for the rape of Sandra Bennett. The woman Inspector McKerr had referred to her during that telephone call. Everyone said that it would never have happened without the time that Ailsa spent with his victim. She discovered a lot more horrible things about him whilst talking to Sandra.
It made her realize more that she could have been physically harmed. He enjoyed hating women; he didn’t like any of them. Yet he spent half of his time trying to start relationships with them, what a strange man.

They found books in which he had written down how much he despised Ailsa and that was just after they first met, when she had thought that everything was good. He didn’t just dislike her he really hated her and he had written dark thoughts about a string of other woman. It affected her so much to know that he never really liked her so why did he pursue her? It all made her mind ache and it made her feel tired.
She wished that she had never met him; Ailsa spent about six months seeing a therapist who encouraged her not to wonder why Tim did things. His personality was obviously damaged and she should stop trying to exert logic, but it always bothered her that she had not realized how sinister he was. She felt a sense of failure about that.

The new clock she had for her birthday chimed exquisitely on the hour, her uncle bought it for her when he was working in Cologne, Germany, it was very late one Friday night she had fallen asleep downstairs whilst watching a film. Just as she stood up to go to bed and sleep properly, just for a moment she thought that she could see him standing there in the kitchen living in the shadows. The soft chimes of the clock suddenly sounded like the toll of heavy ancient bells. She felt as if she was falling for many miles through a fog. She breathed deeply the way the therapist had advised; she switched on the kitchen light, and then all the other lights downstairs and climbed the stairs, put the radio on for company and got into bed.

Short stories include: The Webmasters Wife, The Christmas Message, The Partner, The Old Girls Trip To The House of Lords, What Was Left - these are just five of the titles you will receive out of your fifty-two. Click here to read extracts of the stories.

Would you like to go to bed every Thursday night, knowing as you fall asleep that for the next fifty-two weeks you will wake up on Friday morning to an original, unique short story created by me in your e-mail box ,followed by one every Friday morning for the next fifty-two weeks. Pay one pound in total and receive all fifty-two – Lucinda.

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The Webmaster’s Wife

"Anna sat opposite to her husband Mark in the bookshop’s cafe. It felt to her that he was slipping away like a golden magical ball with a momentum all of its own slowly disappearing over green rolling hills silently without drama but definitely, as if by magic vanishing."

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The Christmas Message

"The lift door opened, a woman was already in there, she smiled a little but Sarah couldn’t help noticing how sad and tired she looked. Her hair was pale blond her eyes barely blue – and she was dressed almost in summer clothes, a white embroidered gypsy top and turquoise long skirt with pink sandals; there was a guitar by her feet."

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The Partner

"Tim turned the wheel of the car and drove onto the broad drive of a gothic period house that had been converted into a restaurant and hotel. 'This is one of my favourite eating-places”; He said without looking at her - yet during the twelve months that she had known him he had never mentioned the place before."

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Art For Sale

Sophie J Rush

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